Bognor or Bust!

This will be my last post of 2018. And what a year....... 365 days or 18 rounds of chemo/antibody treatments 3 operations 1 colonoscopy 1 endoscopy 15 sessions of radiotherapy Countless scans and appointments 2 talks for Breast Cancer UK 1 charity after dinner speech 1 marathon (walked) £6k raised for Cancer research UK. 1 redundancy 1 menopause Quite frankly I'm over 2018 and it can just F off! We finish the year tomorrow with a move. It's with mixed feelings that I'm leaving our current home. It was the home we bought Briony home to and have watched her grow into the lovely young lady she is. But it's also the home where a year ago my world collapsed. The past year has been spent rebuilding it and it is time to move on. I'm secretly glad that we are moving this side of the New Year. I just want to leave my very own "annus horribilis" behind and wave it a fond adieu. Like an unwelcome relative to be consigned to history (hopefully). ...

Life has been fairly busy in the last month with a mixture of things returning to "normal" interspersed with cancer. Life is definitely now taking the front seat, with cancer pushed to the back seat on the whole. The news from the most recent set of scans was pretty much as good as it could have been. The delivery less so. On the day of the appointment, I had a phone call from the consultant's secretary to say that he had moved us to the last appointment of the day so that our appointment wasn't rushed. Those of you in the know will know that this is not a good sign. Not good at all. Longer appointments mean bad news and more to discuss. So it was with trepidation that we turned up for the appointment. Another warning sign was that there was a nurse there that neither Stephen nor I had met before. We were duly ushered in. Briony had wanted to come with us and so was fully immersed in an Abba ipod experience. For some reason, she thinks Abba are the best thing sin...

...but not in the way that you think I mean it. No, not the American Reconstruction, nor the silicone variety. At least not yet. Reconstruction of my missing breast will happen eventually, but not until early next year for a variety of reasons. It's been well over a month since I last posted, so what has been going on? I'm talking about reconstruction in the context of my life and the changes since diagnosis. You spend your time in treatment just muddling through, trying to make it to the next chemo, then surgery, then radiotherapy, Only when you are out the other side, as I am now (with the exception of the HER2 antibodies that I have every 3 weeks) can you begin to put your life back together. "So, what's changed?" I hear you ask? Well, pretty much everything although it may not look like it. Firstly, there is trying to come to terms with who you now are. In my case, I'm missing a breast and have a 6-7 inch scar instead. I have limited movement on m...

I'm not going to lie today has been utterly shit in the most part. A little context................ When you're diagnosed with cancer you're scared, no, actually petrified. You have horrible thoughts swirling around in your head for days on end, especially as you wait to find out the true nature of your disease and how far it has/hasn't spread. You're left in a quandary as to whether to share these thoughts with your closest family and friends, torn between a need to share these thoughts and a level of guilt at what you are putting your nearest and dearest through without burdening them further. No matter the support from family and friends, there are some things and questions that can only be asked of a fellow cancer sufferer. So you turn to the online community and friends of friends in a similar situation. Only to someone in the same position can you share these deepest thoughts and ask the most personal questions. We are a sisterhood, even though we have n...

...and what a summer it has been! I've had an amazing time, notwithstanding the circumstances. There are many positive things to cancer and making sure that I've had a fab time with Briony and Stephen has been shifted to a new priority (#1) on the agenda. So thank you cancer for making me a better person and for helping me realise just what is important in life. We had a great Bank Holiday weekend and spent a lovely afternoon at Black Park on the Go Ape nets. This involved running around like an absolute loonie on cargo nets suspending around 4-5m above the ground. Briony, Stephen and I all went on them and had a great time. Poor Stephen did have to tell me at one point that my prosthesis had moved! These are not problems we are used to, but we both saw the funny side! The last couple of weeks have been spent in a frenzy of visiting relatives before the summer ends. We have done a tour of duty of Suffolk, Norfolk, Cambridgeshire and Dorset. I've held up relatively wel...

 The holiday was everything we thought it would be and more! We had such an amazing time and it couldn't have come at a better time for us as a family. For the first time since I was diagnosed I was able to actually forget about it properly and enjoy myself with Stephen and Briony. Unexpectedly, I was also able to dive. We asked the consultant about it at my last appointment just before we went and he said that we saw no reason why not, as I am having regular heart scans in any case and that is far more than most people diving have. So, dive I did. although I have to say that I was somewhat nervous. Nervous because we haven't dived in 3 years, but also nervous on whether my body would hold up. One of the lesser side effects of the cancer I have found is that I have lost confidence in some things and diving is one of them. There is no logical reason to this, but there you go! We did 8 amazing dives. If ever there was an activity that embodies mindfulness and being presen...

I'd love to claim the title for the post, but have to give credit where credit is due. Thank you bro! So this summer is all about memories, not mammaries! The last 8 months have been all about those and it's time to move on. As I write this, I realise that it is exactly 8 months to the day since I had my initial diagnosis. Briony broke up from school a couple of weeks ago and we've been making the most of it. So far, we have been to Essex to visit my Aunt and cousin (Maldon hasn't changed since I spent summers there with my Gran many years ago), seen The Incredibles 2, been to Yo Sushi (limited gluten free options), Wagamamas (slightly better on the gluten free scale), been swimming twice, been to Claire's Accessories twice, Warwick Castle, a lovely brunch with school friends and sleeping out in the tent in the garden at least 3 times.  I was also fortunate enough to go to Wimbledon with Stephen's cousin, Nikki. We had a fab time. On the celeb spo...