Good riddance 2018 - The End of an Era!

This will be my last post of 2018. And what a year.......
365 days or
18 rounds of chemo/antibody treatments
3 operations
1 colonoscopy
1 endoscopy
15 sessions of radiotherapy
Countless scans and appointments
2 talks for Breast Cancer UK
1 charity after dinner speech
1 marathon (walked)
£6k raised for Cancer research UK.
1 redundancy
1 menopause

Quite frankly I'm over 2018 and it can just F off!

We finish the year tomorrow with a move. It's with mixed feelings that I'm leaving our current home. It was the home we bought Briony home to and have watched her grow into the lovely young lady she is. But it's also the home where a year ago my world collapsed. The past year has been spent rebuilding it and it is time to move on.

I'm secretly glad that we are moving this side of the New Year. I just want to leave my very own "annus horribilis" behind and wave it a fond adieu. Like an unwelcome relative to be consigned to history (hopefully).

So I end the year with less cancer than I started it and hopefully none. I have now had my 18 rounds of antibodies and had the last one last Wednesday. Being the stubborn person I am I ran to the last one despite it being a freezing cold day and I really enjoyed the run. It reminds me how far I have come. I thought about friends who had died this year and little did I know that a friend's Mum would die of cancer on that very day. So I ran to keep strong for all of those other people who are no longer strong and who's body this disease has got the better of. Any time of year is tough to be dealing with this, but the run up to Christmas just makes it even harder. I also had a coffee with a friend of a friend who has recently been diagnosed. I remember those early days well and the fear that crept up on me pretty much every day. I've come a long way since then and hope that others on this journey will also be able to.

My after dinner speech for a charity launch went really well, despite a long journey to get there. I got a standing ovation which was lovely. I enjoyed doing it and would like to do more of it in the future. I've also now completed 2 talks for Breast Cancer UK and am really enjoying them. There are no more booked for a while as they are re-vamping what they are doing, but I look forward to throwing myself back into these next year. I've also volunteered to talk at Briony's school - it's called "She is limitless" and is about women who have overcome obstacles and hurdles in their lives. Let's just say there are several topics I could talk about!

I saw my consultant this evening. Briony came with me as she finished school last week and she seems to quite enjoy it. Perhaps it is the hot chocolate that I let her have each time she is there? There is usually a reason for me seeing the consultant, but this time I couldn't really think of one other than I hadn't seen him for a few months. Not seeing your oncologist is a good place to be, regardless of how lovely they are! It means that they are fairly happy that you are not going to go and do anything stupid on them, or rather your cancer isn't going to. He asked how I was feeling and how I feel about stopping treatment. Some people are never happy and I am one of them. When I was on treatment I couldn't wait for it to stop and now it has I feel nervous. This is apparently completely normal, but that doesn't make it any easier. My body got me into this mess and now I have to learn to try and trust it again, which isn't easy. We discussed whether to scan again now as a baseline, but decided that the scan we did at the end of October was probably sufficient. Each scan exposes me to some radiation. This was fine when it looked like batteries had a longer expiry date than I did, but as the situation has now improved we don't want me being exposed to too much radiation as it increases your risk of (wait for it) cancer! Again, this is a positive development. I will next be scanned in March to again check on my pesky lungs. Results depending, there will probably then be another scan 3 months after that. The rest at the moment is unchartered territory.

We also spoke about the gene testing I will shortly have. Apparently I am the first person he has heard of where the insurance company will cover it. I will have 2 tests done and these will be staggered. First, BRCA1/2 as these are the highest risk genes (apparently 60-80% lifetime risk) and would answer the question very easily about a second prophylactic mastectomy. They would also whip out my ovaries as well, which given they are currently fast asleep would probably be a rude awakening. But necessary. Apparently I have around a 5-10% chance of a BRCA1/2 mutation. If this is negative then we go on to look at a couple of other genes which whilst still pose a risk are not in quite the same ball park. They will also help understand the likelihood of me having passed my duff genes onto Briony. Whilst this is difficult to get my head around, I would prefer that she knows her risk and I deal with the guilt if necessary in whatever way I can.

I've always asked for my disease to be managed as aggressively as possible and there is one more drug that I have been quite interested in for a while, but the time hasn't been right. I plucked up the courage to ask my consultant this evening and he has agreed to see if I am suitable. It is relatively new and not without side effects, but it does reduce my risk of recurrence significantly and as you all know, I'm all for that at pretty much any price.

So, I wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas. I'm not sure when we are likely to have any form of broadband, so whilst I am at it I will also wish you a Happy New Year. What's more, this year, I even mean it! Have fun peeps and see you in 2019 when I will be starting again on many different levels xxx