Memories or mammaries?
I'd love to claim the title for the post, but have to give credit where credit is due. Thank you bro!
So this summer is all about memories, not mammaries! The last 8 months have been all about those and it's time to move on. As I write this, I realise that it is exactly 8 months to the day since I had my initial diagnosis.
Briony broke up from school a couple of weeks ago and we've been making the most of it. So far, we have been to Essex to visit my Aunt and cousin (Maldon hasn't changed since I spent summers there with my Gran many years ago), seen The Incredibles 2, been to Yo Sushi (limited gluten free options), Wagamamas (slightly better on the gluten free scale), been swimming twice, been to Claire's Accessories twice, Warwick Castle, a lovely brunch with school friends and sleeping out in the tent in the garden at least 3 times.
I was also fortunate enough to go to Wimbledon with Stephen's cousin, Nikki. We had a fab time. On the celeb spot, we saw Trevor McDonald, Mary Berry and Billy Jean King. Not bad! Champagne and strawberries were duly consumed and it was lovely catching up with Nikki as I haven't seen her since I have been diagnosed. It also reminds me what a long way I have come and what a long journey it has been. Suffice to say a good day was had by all. Thanks so much Nikki, greatly appreciated.
Something very odd happened to me a couple of weeks ago and it still freaks me out. It was a Monday and the first day of Briony's school holiday. To be honest I had forgotten that Briony would be on holiday as I had booked an appointment at Wycombe hospital to have my more permanent prosthesis fitted. This will be my friend until I can get the reconstruction sorted. Briony came along with me as I didn't have any other options. I've been fairly open with her throughout and she seemed to accept it. It was in the Breast clinic, the same place as I was diagnosed and also where I revisited a couple of weeks ago when I found another lump, so it was with mixed feelings that I turned up there again. I was seen fairly quickly. Perhaps they didn't want someone with very limited hair hanging around in the waiting room with a load of women who were obviously waiting to see what was in store for them. I know it wouldn't have done me any favours.
Having cancer is like having a baby - you do loose any sense of dignity and so I really didn't mind the woman man-handling me with the various different prostheses. It took around 20 minutes to find one we were both happy with. The new one is silicone and quite a lot heavier than the previous temporary post-surgery one. But it does have a more realistic shape and some movement. As a bribe, I had said to Briony that we could go to Claire's accessories and her choice of lunch venue afterwards. She had also asked to go to the Library. Once we had been to Claire's we walked around to the Library. Disappointingly, its shut on a Monday. I was standing outside with Briony wondering what to do next when a man walked up to us. He was smoking a cigarette and was slightly unkempt. He spoke inappropriately loudly and came up to us. Here is a transcript of the conversation:
Man: Excuse me!
Me: Yes?
Man: Excuse me!
Me: Yes?
Man: Do you know who Angelina Jolie is?
Me (slightly confused): Yes, why?
Man: Do you know what a mastectomy is?
Me (worried now): Yes
Man: Well she had a double mastectomy and I think you should too. Ha ha!
Man then walks off laughing loudly.
Very weird and very freaky. I did physically check that my newly acquired prosthesis hadn't slipped or anything. It hadn't and looked completely normal. I don't know if any of you believe in fate, but I'm sure it happened for a reason. I was very shaken and once I had calmed down wished I had asked him why he had said any of it. Instead I had to contend with Briony asking lots of questions to which I didn't really have any answers.
Swimming was interesting! I had purchased a swim prosthesis as I'd been warned that my silicone friend wouldn't fare too well in chlorine. However, it hadn't arrived the first time Briony wanted to go swimming. I'd had some advice from the breast care nurse that some women used a shower scrunchie instead so thought I'd give this a whirl. It looked a bit bumpy, but with a bit of manipulation was relatively ok. What I hadn't bargained on was the fact that it would move whilst I was swimming! However on the positive side, it did make my shower experience (in a private cubicle) very pleasant with the immediately available shower scrunchie!
The next time we went my pre-ordered swim prosthesis had arrived. Remembering the movement issue of before I used a safety pin to attach the prosthesis to the inside of my swimming costume. This was relatively successful. However, the prosthesis was a bit too big, so I've ordered another slightly smaller one. Hopefully I will get there eventually! And hopefully it will arrive before we jet off on holiday on Saturday.
I put my wig on earlier today as I was in an environment where I didn't want to answer the inevitable questions. As I was leaving the house, Briony stopped me and said she found it "Slightly freaky" when I wore my wig as it "didn't look like you". It's funny how things change as not that long ago she was asking me to wear it! My brother also commented that my hair was "getting long". I guess it's all relative! I can't exactly tie it back yet, but I'm delighted to say that I no longer have the tell-tale sign of being a cancer patient. A few more weeks and I might even be able to get it cut into a very short style. The colour and texture don't seem to have changed that much from before either, so I guess I should count my blessings.
I saw the consultant last week for the first time since the end of May. I remarked that it feels that we are now at the end of the acute phase of treatment and moving on. He agreed. I've been given a list of things to look out for. I will need to be vigilant for the cancer either coming back or spreading. Its tough trying to trust your body again, but I must begin to try. However, I must also be aware of my body and listen to it. We spoke about the 2nd mastectomy again. I have to wait until at least November before any discussions around this can even begin. I also asked about the results of the CT of my lungs back in May. Good news (I think) in that there has been no change. This is now the 3rd scan and nothing has changed, so I will now not have another scan until I have completed a year of treatment in November. November remains a very significant decision point as this is where we have to get off the fence and make a final decision about whether the cancer is in my lungs or not (and therefore whether we stop treatment or not) but we will deal with this when it comes rather than worrying about it. It would appear the counselling is working as usually I wouldn't have been able to deal with this type of waiting around. I will see him again in October, but there has definitely been a change in the intensity of contact with the medical system. Its quite difficult to deal with when you are used to daily contact.
It was Briony's birthday on Saturday. For the first time, it was a milestone day that I didn't struggle with. None of us know when our time is up, I guess I have just had an earlier reminder than others and I don't want to let it spoil whatever time I do have. Memories, not mammaries.......
Those regular readers will know that when I was diagnosed we had a holiday booked, code name Bognor and hence the name of the blog. I'm delighted to say that this the holiday that we will be departing off to on Saturday of this week. It's the Maldives that we are off to and I can't wait! I won't write again until our return, so happy holidays to you all!
So this summer is all about memories, not mammaries! The last 8 months have been all about those and it's time to move on. As I write this, I realise that it is exactly 8 months to the day since I had my initial diagnosis.
Briony broke up from school a couple of weeks ago and we've been making the most of it. So far, we have been to Essex to visit my Aunt and cousin (Maldon hasn't changed since I spent summers there with my Gran many years ago), seen The Incredibles 2, been to Yo Sushi (limited gluten free options), Wagamamas (slightly better on the gluten free scale), been swimming twice, been to Claire's Accessories twice, Warwick Castle, a lovely brunch with school friends and sleeping out in the tent in the garden at least 3 times.
Having cancer is like having a baby - you do loose any sense of dignity and so I really didn't mind the woman man-handling me with the various different prostheses. It took around 20 minutes to find one we were both happy with. The new one is silicone and quite a lot heavier than the previous temporary post-surgery one. But it does have a more realistic shape and some movement. As a bribe, I had said to Briony that we could go to Claire's accessories and her choice of lunch venue afterwards. She had also asked to go to the Library. Once we had been to Claire's we walked around to the Library. Disappointingly, its shut on a Monday. I was standing outside with Briony wondering what to do next when a man walked up to us. He was smoking a cigarette and was slightly unkempt. He spoke inappropriately loudly and came up to us. Here is a transcript of the conversation:
Man: Excuse me!
Me: Yes?
Man: Excuse me!
Me: Yes?
Man: Do you know who Angelina Jolie is?
Me (slightly confused): Yes, why?
Man: Do you know what a mastectomy is?
Me (worried now): Yes
Man: Well she had a double mastectomy and I think you should too. Ha ha!
Man then walks off laughing loudly.
Very weird and very freaky. I did physically check that my newly acquired prosthesis hadn't slipped or anything. It hadn't and looked completely normal. I don't know if any of you believe in fate, but I'm sure it happened for a reason. I was very shaken and once I had calmed down wished I had asked him why he had said any of it. Instead I had to contend with Briony asking lots of questions to which I didn't really have any answers.
Swimming was interesting! I had purchased a swim prosthesis as I'd been warned that my silicone friend wouldn't fare too well in chlorine. However, it hadn't arrived the first time Briony wanted to go swimming. I'd had some advice from the breast care nurse that some women used a shower scrunchie instead so thought I'd give this a whirl. It looked a bit bumpy, but with a bit of manipulation was relatively ok. What I hadn't bargained on was the fact that it would move whilst I was swimming! However on the positive side, it did make my shower experience (in a private cubicle) very pleasant with the immediately available shower scrunchie!
The next time we went my pre-ordered swim prosthesis had arrived. Remembering the movement issue of before I used a safety pin to attach the prosthesis to the inside of my swimming costume. This was relatively successful. However, the prosthesis was a bit too big, so I've ordered another slightly smaller one. Hopefully I will get there eventually! And hopefully it will arrive before we jet off on holiday on Saturday.
I put my wig on earlier today as I was in an environment where I didn't want to answer the inevitable questions. As I was leaving the house, Briony stopped me and said she found it "Slightly freaky" when I wore my wig as it "didn't look like you". It's funny how things change as not that long ago she was asking me to wear it! My brother also commented that my hair was "getting long". I guess it's all relative! I can't exactly tie it back yet, but I'm delighted to say that I no longer have the tell-tale sign of being a cancer patient. A few more weeks and I might even be able to get it cut into a very short style. The colour and texture don't seem to have changed that much from before either, so I guess I should count my blessings.
I saw the consultant last week for the first time since the end of May. I remarked that it feels that we are now at the end of the acute phase of treatment and moving on. He agreed. I've been given a list of things to look out for. I will need to be vigilant for the cancer either coming back or spreading. Its tough trying to trust your body again, but I must begin to try. However, I must also be aware of my body and listen to it. We spoke about the 2nd mastectomy again. I have to wait until at least November before any discussions around this can even begin. I also asked about the results of the CT of my lungs back in May. Good news (I think) in that there has been no change. This is now the 3rd scan and nothing has changed, so I will now not have another scan until I have completed a year of treatment in November. November remains a very significant decision point as this is where we have to get off the fence and make a final decision about whether the cancer is in my lungs or not (and therefore whether we stop treatment or not) but we will deal with this when it comes rather than worrying about it. It would appear the counselling is working as usually I wouldn't have been able to deal with this type of waiting around. I will see him again in October, but there has definitely been a change in the intensity of contact with the medical system. Its quite difficult to deal with when you are used to daily contact.
It was Briony's birthday on Saturday. For the first time, it was a milestone day that I didn't struggle with. None of us know when our time is up, I guess I have just had an earlier reminder than others and I don't want to let it spoil whatever time I do have. Memories, not mammaries.......
Those regular readers will know that when I was diagnosed we had a holiday booked, code name Bognor and hence the name of the blog. I'm delighted to say that this the holiday that we will be departing off to on Saturday of this week. It's the Maldives that we are off to and I can't wait! I won't write again until our return, so happy holidays to you all!
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