Chapter 2 begins.....new shoes and the beginning of summer....
I haven't posted for a while. To be honest there hasn't been much to post. Without cancer impacting every day, life is actually relatively boring! To give you an example, I cleaned some windows today. But please read on, hopefully it will get a little more interesting!
Radiotherapy was somewhat uneventful and finished around a week and a half ago. They said that the side effects would get worse for a couple of weeks after treatment finished and sure enough, they have! I have patches of either very dark, or blistered skin in the treated areas. It's a bit embarrassing on my neck as it looks like I have some weird kind of sunburn, which is a shame as I'm always so careful in the sun! It does also mean that with the weather as it is, I need to be incredibly careful as it is very sensitive. My left underarm is currently a complete mess - there are 2 large scars, one from the lymph node removal and one where the mastectomy scar starts, a couple of blisters, an area of very pink skin where the "burnt" skin has given up and come off and the cording from the operations. And the skin is a very dark brown colour. My chest area, from the bottom of my ribs to just below my collarbone is slightly better and is just bright red rather than dark brown. Time will tell whether either colour change is permanent. Reading through my aftercare booklet it appears that some are and some aren't!
I've also been quite tired, but this seems to come and go.
I've gone back to running and am slowing increasing the pace. I don't think I will ever be as fast as I used to be, but as with many things adjustments need to be made for my new world. I'm enjoying my personal trainer sessions and again we are slowly upping the anti. It feels like a watershed moment so today I have bought a new pair of trainers. Not quite my usual high heels, but there is always room in my life for more shoes, albeit trainers!
Now feels like the time to start giving back as well, so I have signed up to be a breast cancer ambassador and volunteer. This essentially involves giving talks about the impact of breast cancer and how to prevent/recognise it. The training day isn't until November, but I'm looking forward to it. I've always got plenty to say on most things and this seems to be a good way of channeling it in some form of positive manner for the greater good. On top of this I have also been asked to think about doing some talks at lobbying type events and consult as an expert patient. Bring it all on! If I can stop just one person being in the same position as me then it has not all been in vain. Although I don't officially know if I'm in the club yet, I do feel passionately that stage 4 breast cancer patients don't get the airtime/recognition they deserve, so this is something I would like to focus on. That and the fact that younger women do increasingly get breast cancer as I have to admit I thought it was a disease of older women (no cheeky comments everyone, you know what I mean).
Speaking of older women, I had my second "old bag lady" injection on Friday. This was not a pleasant experience as the needle got stuck in. Neither are the intense hot flushes this is now creating. Still, better hot than dead! #BHTD
Counselling it still ongoing and will be for a while, but I do feel that it is helping. The familiar anxieties do rear their ugly heads, but I feel slightly better able to cope with them. I've also learned that its official, being positive all the time is not a good thing. This helps because then I don't feel guilty for being negative every so often, which is counter-productive.
I've met up with a load of friends and have enjoyed having the energy to have a social life once more. It's been a while and there is still a brave world out there. On Saturday we went to Briony's school ball and I went without my wig - to be honest I think I would have burst into flame if I had worn it, it was so hot! I got a couple of comments about my hair (Sinead O'Connor or Jessie J eat your heart out, depending on which generation you are from). It was never a style I would have chosen but I am getting used to it. At least getting ready didn't take too long. In other news I felt the wind physically move my hair the other day for the first time again - it made me smile! The school ball was great fun and the group of mothers in Briony's year are a good group. Unfortunately cancer doesn't mean that I'm any more able to keep my eyes open in a photo so here is the best of a bad bunch.........
The ball finished at midnight and rather than turning into a pumpkin we went round to one of our friends for an afterparty. It was fab - we headed off at 2am which for me is a bloody miracle these days, so I was quite proud of myself. It was lovely to be carefree and just having plain old-fashioned good fun with friends! Thank you ladies (and gents). Hope the heads weren't too bad on Sunday morning........
Now that I seem to be a bit out of immediate danger it's amazing the things that people are revealing to me. It would appear my diagnosis set a few people thinking about their own place in this world and in all of these people they decided to do something that they had been either thinking about or putting off for a while. There are varying degrees of this! I'm pleased to announce that the winner (you know who you are) purchased a second home and is now saving for a boat. This made my brother feel much better and settle for second place because he simply went out and bought a new bike when I was diagnosed! Others have included doing the Shine marathon walk and swimming Coniston water.
Taking on this new mantra, I decided to book Stephen and I tickets to the Stereophonics. He's been wanting to go for a while but we haven't been able to, solely because of me being selfish and getting cancer. Those of you in the know will know that their UK tour finished a little while ago and we are now into festival season. Normally at this point I would have given up. However, the new me decided to see where else they were touring for the rest of the year. As luck would have it they are touring in Chicago around the time of our wedding anniversary and so to Chicago we will go! I can't wait, especially as we can catch up with some good friends of ours and our god-daughter whilst we are out there. Briony hasn't quite forgiven me yet (she won't be coming as it's the first week of school), although the promise of a trip to Clare's accessories did seem to help!
This doesn't appear to have been the only change in me and I guess you can't go through something like this without being changed for life. Several people have noticed it and have commented that I do seem to be a little more chilled than previously, a little happier to let certain things go and a little (just a little) better with uncertainty. The irony of this isn't lost on me! What does fate deal the person who has engineered avoidance of uncertainty all her adult life, or just dealt with it really badly? The mother of all lessons in uncertainty by making her wait to see whether it is cancer in her lungs. Boom! Lesson learnt, so can we please move on now?
The Shine marathon walk will be completed by a group of mothers at Briony's school and I have decided to join them. We will walk on 22nd September.....I will be coming knocking soon enough for sponsorship. Now I have the trainers, all I need to do is start actually walking! Stephen has even printed the training plan out for me and laminated it.
School holidays start on Friday for us and the summer looms large. The last summer I had off was maternity leave with Briony and even then she was in hospital over the whole of the summer period so I wasn't really able to enjoy it as I was at the hospital with her every day. But that's a separate blog and has already been written. In line with my new mantra of seizing the moment we have planned a number of days out, places to go, people to see and whilst it will be hectic I hope it will be a summer to remember for all the right reasons. Just a 2 hour speech day in a stinking hot marquee to get through, oh and Briony's (joint) birthday party stand between me and the summer. Wish me luck!
xx
Radiotherapy was somewhat uneventful and finished around a week and a half ago. They said that the side effects would get worse for a couple of weeks after treatment finished and sure enough, they have! I have patches of either very dark, or blistered skin in the treated areas. It's a bit embarrassing on my neck as it looks like I have some weird kind of sunburn, which is a shame as I'm always so careful in the sun! It does also mean that with the weather as it is, I need to be incredibly careful as it is very sensitive. My left underarm is currently a complete mess - there are 2 large scars, one from the lymph node removal and one where the mastectomy scar starts, a couple of blisters, an area of very pink skin where the "burnt" skin has given up and come off and the cording from the operations. And the skin is a very dark brown colour. My chest area, from the bottom of my ribs to just below my collarbone is slightly better and is just bright red rather than dark brown. Time will tell whether either colour change is permanent. Reading through my aftercare booklet it appears that some are and some aren't!
I've also been quite tired, but this seems to come and go.
I've gone back to running and am slowing increasing the pace. I don't think I will ever be as fast as I used to be, but as with many things adjustments need to be made for my new world. I'm enjoying my personal trainer sessions and again we are slowly upping the anti. It feels like a watershed moment so today I have bought a new pair of trainers. Not quite my usual high heels, but there is always room in my life for more shoes, albeit trainers!
Now feels like the time to start giving back as well, so I have signed up to be a breast cancer ambassador and volunteer. This essentially involves giving talks about the impact of breast cancer and how to prevent/recognise it. The training day isn't until November, but I'm looking forward to it. I've always got plenty to say on most things and this seems to be a good way of channeling it in some form of positive manner for the greater good. On top of this I have also been asked to think about doing some talks at lobbying type events and consult as an expert patient. Bring it all on! If I can stop just one person being in the same position as me then it has not all been in vain. Although I don't officially know if I'm in the club yet, I do feel passionately that stage 4 breast cancer patients don't get the airtime/recognition they deserve, so this is something I would like to focus on. That and the fact that younger women do increasingly get breast cancer as I have to admit I thought it was a disease of older women (no cheeky comments everyone, you know what I mean).
Speaking of older women, I had my second "old bag lady" injection on Friday. This was not a pleasant experience as the needle got stuck in. Neither are the intense hot flushes this is now creating. Still, better hot than dead! #BHTD
Counselling it still ongoing and will be for a while, but I do feel that it is helping. The familiar anxieties do rear their ugly heads, but I feel slightly better able to cope with them. I've also learned that its official, being positive all the time is not a good thing. This helps because then I don't feel guilty for being negative every so often, which is counter-productive.
I've met up with a load of friends and have enjoyed having the energy to have a social life once more. It's been a while and there is still a brave world out there. On Saturday we went to Briony's school ball and I went without my wig - to be honest I think I would have burst into flame if I had worn it, it was so hot! I got a couple of comments about my hair (Sinead O'Connor or Jessie J eat your heart out, depending on which generation you are from). It was never a style I would have chosen but I am getting used to it. At least getting ready didn't take too long. In other news I felt the wind physically move my hair the other day for the first time again - it made me smile! The school ball was great fun and the group of mothers in Briony's year are a good group. Unfortunately cancer doesn't mean that I'm any more able to keep my eyes open in a photo so here is the best of a bad bunch.........
Taking on this new mantra, I decided to book Stephen and I tickets to the Stereophonics. He's been wanting to go for a while but we haven't been able to, solely because of me being selfish and getting cancer. Those of you in the know will know that their UK tour finished a little while ago and we are now into festival season. Normally at this point I would have given up. However, the new me decided to see where else they were touring for the rest of the year. As luck would have it they are touring in Chicago around the time of our wedding anniversary and so to Chicago we will go! I can't wait, especially as we can catch up with some good friends of ours and our god-daughter whilst we are out there. Briony hasn't quite forgiven me yet (she won't be coming as it's the first week of school), although the promise of a trip to Clare's accessories did seem to help!
This doesn't appear to have been the only change in me and I guess you can't go through something like this without being changed for life. Several people have noticed it and have commented that I do seem to be a little more chilled than previously, a little happier to let certain things go and a little (just a little) better with uncertainty. The irony of this isn't lost on me! What does fate deal the person who has engineered avoidance of uncertainty all her adult life, or just dealt with it really badly? The mother of all lessons in uncertainty by making her wait to see whether it is cancer in her lungs. Boom! Lesson learnt, so can we please move on now?
The Shine marathon walk will be completed by a group of mothers at Briony's school and I have decided to join them. We will walk on 22nd September.....I will be coming knocking soon enough for sponsorship. Now I have the trainers, all I need to do is start actually walking! Stephen has even printed the training plan out for me and laminated it.
School holidays start on Friday for us and the summer looms large. The last summer I had off was maternity leave with Briony and even then she was in hospital over the whole of the summer period so I wasn't really able to enjoy it as I was at the hospital with her every day. But that's a separate blog and has already been written. In line with my new mantra of seizing the moment we have planned a number of days out, places to go, people to see and whilst it will be hectic I hope it will be a summer to remember for all the right reasons. Just a 2 hour speech day in a stinking hot marquee to get through, oh and Briony's (joint) birthday party stand between me and the summer. Wish me luck!
xx
EMMA, you look beautiful . Hugs and kisses
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