Tis done.....
The breast has gone and is currently sat in some anonymous lab awaiting further biopsying to see how diseased it was.
I have mixed feelings. I feel somewhat betrayed by this intimate part of me that it could turn against me and put me through all of this shit. I also feel a sense of loss, a lack of femininity. This isn't helped by the lack of hair.
It's not pretty and to be honest I don't think I was mentally prepared for it at all. The only word to describe it is brutal. There are no dressings, just a cm wide strip of micropore covering the scar, so I haven't really been able to hide from looking at it and confronting it. It feels very weird.
But this is the way that it must be, at least for now. So onwards we go.
I came home yesterday evening as I wanted to sleep in my own bed. The drain (we decided on Donald (as in Trump, bit of a pain and hanging around for too long), thanks for all the suggestions) has gone. Earlier this evening it started leaking, which prompted a slightly panicked phone call and a quick dash to the Chiltern Hospital to see the surgeon. He declared that it had served its purpose and promptly removed it. I'm secretly quite pleased as it was due to come out on Friday and makes sleeping a little difficult and uncomfortable.
The scales yesterday confirmed what Stephen and I suspected, I had lost yet more weight. I've now resorted to Complan in addition to my usual meals to try and at least maintain where we are now. The surgeon also said he had noticed that I had quite a bloated abdomen. Now we have the surgery out of the way understanding what is going on with my GI system is the next priority.
So we are in a recovery phase. Lots of sleeping and hopefully some good eating. Plus getting my head around things a little more.
xxx
I have mixed feelings. I feel somewhat betrayed by this intimate part of me that it could turn against me and put me through all of this shit. I also feel a sense of loss, a lack of femininity. This isn't helped by the lack of hair.
It's not pretty and to be honest I don't think I was mentally prepared for it at all. The only word to describe it is brutal. There are no dressings, just a cm wide strip of micropore covering the scar, so I haven't really been able to hide from looking at it and confronting it. It feels very weird.
But this is the way that it must be, at least for now. So onwards we go.
I came home yesterday evening as I wanted to sleep in my own bed. The drain (we decided on Donald (as in Trump, bit of a pain and hanging around for too long), thanks for all the suggestions) has gone. Earlier this evening it started leaking, which prompted a slightly panicked phone call and a quick dash to the Chiltern Hospital to see the surgeon. He declared that it had served its purpose and promptly removed it. I'm secretly quite pleased as it was due to come out on Friday and makes sleeping a little difficult and uncomfortable.
The scales yesterday confirmed what Stephen and I suspected, I had lost yet more weight. I've now resorted to Complan in addition to my usual meals to try and at least maintain where we are now. The surgeon also said he had noticed that I had quite a bloated abdomen. Now we have the surgery out of the way understanding what is going on with my GI system is the next priority.
So we are in a recovery phase. Lots of sleeping and hopefully some good eating. Plus getting my head around things a little more.
xxx
Comments
Post a Comment