1 week post cycle 2
Hopefully you are all still sticking to your New Year's resolutions? If not, shame on you!
So here I am, a week after cycle 2. I have to say, and without wanting to tempt fate, or obviously sound smug, I seem to have survived it pretty well this time around. There are the obvious effects mentioned before (mouth like the bottom of hamster cage, no taste buds, no hair = cold head), but I haven't got the rash this time (good news as it means it was the GCSF and not the chemo), nor have I had any of the issues of last time with infection and random A&E visits in the middle of the night. There was one touch and go moment on New Year's Eve (why would it be any other time obviously!) where my temperature did go up, but we re-measured 30 minutes later and concluded it must have been the ear that I was lying on as everything was fine.
I haven't even been as tired this cycle, which is markedly different to last cycle. Last cycle I was spending at least half the day in bed and this cycle I have managed to get away with a 45 minute nap on maybe 3 or 4 days.
So once more I have to say that I do feel like a little bit of a fraud. Until I have a shower/bath and feel the lump and then the reminder is only too sinister and real. New Year's day as a milestone day was again a bit difficult, but I'm over that now.
Let's talk about the hair for a moment. We've had to shave it again as it got too itchy! You men who make a style decision on not having hair have my respect as I don't know how you cope with:
a) The itchiness of it all
b) How cold your head can get at this time of year!
So I've had a lovely few days with Briony and Stephen before normality resumes again (although Stephen went back to work today - the 5.45am alarm is NOT my friend). Briony has been fab as usual and has finally got used to me having no hair. She has asked me to wear the wig when I pick her up from school as she doesn't want to be different from her friends. I completely understand this! Given a choice I wouldn't want to be different from all the other Mum's either.
I ventured to John Lewis the other day in the wig. This was a bad idea for a number of different reasons. Firstly, it was New Year's Eve and the place was rammed. What was I thinking? Secondly, John Lewis is on the top of a hill and quite exposed. This wouldn't be a problem, normally, but add in some strong winds and a new wig wearer and it is not a marriage made in heaven! Still, I got over my grump and saw the funny side (eventually).
I also worked out from this one wear that I needed a wig liner as it is quite itchy on top of the already itchy scalp. Itchiness is a key feature in my life these days! So I duly ordered some from Amazon. Quite frankly, I should have saved my money and just butchered a pair of my old tights as this is essentially what they look like. Except my tights would have been more comfortable. Queue a trip into Wycombe to let Briony spend some of her Christmas money yesterday. We'd agreed that I would wear the wig, so I duly donned the wig liner and wig and off we set. The bloody wig liner was so tight that it gave me a cracking headache, but I couldn't take it off as I didn't have a hat with me. So I was stuck with it, wandering around Wycombe in the post Christmas sales with a medium size child negotiating which half of Smiggle she was allowed to buy. I got home and ripped the whole ensemble off. The ring around my head from the wig liner took about 3 hours to disappear and I've binned them to try something else instead!
I have some Buff headgear (sports brand) to wear at home and also in bed to keep me warm. These are far more comfortable so I have been wearing those. Briony has had the great idea that she would like one too so we can both wear them and be the same, so we ordered one which arrived today. She hasn't taken it off and has gone to bed in it. It has really helped her come to terms with it all so I don't mind.
I had the loveliest note from Briony a couple of days ago. We have been talking to her quite a bit about how it is still me, even if I look a bit different. We had a break-through on New Year's Eve when Briony wanted to do a "spa night", which essentially involved me and her having a bath with whichever bath products she decides that she wants to use, a face mask, cucumber on our eyes until it ends up in the water, candles and spa music. Oh, and Stephen feeding us chocolate products of Briony's choosing. I don't think you get that in Champney's but it would be a welcome addition! Anyway, I was sat in the bath with her with a hat on and she asked me to take it off as it must be uncomfortable. She looked me straight in the eye and said she now understood that it was still me even without the hair. Yesterday she came up to me and put a note in my back pocket. She got some notelets for Christmas so we keep finding them around the house. It's a note I will keep.
Nuff said. Love you Briony, you never fail to put a smile on my face or a tear in my eye. x
I haven't even been as tired this cycle, which is markedly different to last cycle. Last cycle I was spending at least half the day in bed and this cycle I have managed to get away with a 45 minute nap on maybe 3 or 4 days.
So once more I have to say that I do feel like a little bit of a fraud. Until I have a shower/bath and feel the lump and then the reminder is only too sinister and real. New Year's day as a milestone day was again a bit difficult, but I'm over that now.
Let's talk about the hair for a moment. We've had to shave it again as it got too itchy! You men who make a style decision on not having hair have my respect as I don't know how you cope with:
a) The itchiness of it all
b) How cold your head can get at this time of year!
So I've had a lovely few days with Briony and Stephen before normality resumes again (although Stephen went back to work today - the 5.45am alarm is NOT my friend). Briony has been fab as usual and has finally got used to me having no hair. She has asked me to wear the wig when I pick her up from school as she doesn't want to be different from her friends. I completely understand this! Given a choice I wouldn't want to be different from all the other Mum's either.
I ventured to John Lewis the other day in the wig. This was a bad idea for a number of different reasons. Firstly, it was New Year's Eve and the place was rammed. What was I thinking? Secondly, John Lewis is on the top of a hill and quite exposed. This wouldn't be a problem, normally, but add in some strong winds and a new wig wearer and it is not a marriage made in heaven! Still, I got over my grump and saw the funny side (eventually).
I also worked out from this one wear that I needed a wig liner as it is quite itchy on top of the already itchy scalp. Itchiness is a key feature in my life these days! So I duly ordered some from Amazon. Quite frankly, I should have saved my money and just butchered a pair of my old tights as this is essentially what they look like. Except my tights would have been more comfortable. Queue a trip into Wycombe to let Briony spend some of her Christmas money yesterday. We'd agreed that I would wear the wig, so I duly donned the wig liner and wig and off we set. The bloody wig liner was so tight that it gave me a cracking headache, but I couldn't take it off as I didn't have a hat with me. So I was stuck with it, wandering around Wycombe in the post Christmas sales with a medium size child negotiating which half of Smiggle she was allowed to buy. I got home and ripped the whole ensemble off. The ring around my head from the wig liner took about 3 hours to disappear and I've binned them to try something else instead!
I have some Buff headgear (sports brand) to wear at home and also in bed to keep me warm. These are far more comfortable so I have been wearing those. Briony has had the great idea that she would like one too so we can both wear them and be the same, so we ordered one which arrived today. She hasn't taken it off and has gone to bed in it. It has really helped her come to terms with it all so I don't mind.
I had the loveliest note from Briony a couple of days ago. We have been talking to her quite a bit about how it is still me, even if I look a bit different. We had a break-through on New Year's Eve when Briony wanted to do a "spa night", which essentially involved me and her having a bath with whichever bath products she decides that she wants to use, a face mask, cucumber on our eyes until it ends up in the water, candles and spa music. Oh, and Stephen feeding us chocolate products of Briony's choosing. I don't think you get that in Champney's but it would be a welcome addition! Anyway, I was sat in the bath with her with a hat on and she asked me to take it off as it must be uncomfortable. She looked me straight in the eye and said she now understood that it was still me even without the hair. Yesterday she came up to me and put a note in my back pocket. She got some notelets for Christmas so we keep finding them around the house. It's a note I will keep.
Nuff said. Love you Briony, you never fail to put a smile on my face or a tear in my eye. x
Oh Briony! You’re too lovely to believe... #itsabitdustyinhere!
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