Stubborn cows, UBOs and Chili

 Not a lot has happened since I last posted. It's odd this cancer thing. Maybe it's how the cancer is too - frenzied activity for a few days and then a couple of weeks off. Some days I've almost forgotten that I've got it and then other days its all I think of.

So since we last spoke (technically since I wrote but I think of this very much as talking therapy!) there have been a few things which I will fill you in on. Last Tuesday couldn't have gone better for us really, with the news of a clear brain and bone scan. However, I was awake pretty much all of last Wednesday evening worried about what the neurologist would say. Stupidly I had googled "brain inflammation" on Wednesday and then obviously I had the worst case scenario in my head at about 3am on Thursday morning.

Thursday last week was a busy day. I had the neurologist appointment at 8.20am to begin the day. I say begin the day but I had been up since 3am thinking through the likely Armageddon scenario so it felt like lunchtime. Lost the back end of the car which added to the excitement on the way to the appointment due to the amount of snow still hanging around. The consultant was about 30 minutes late calling me, in which didn't help with the whole scenario thing. In my head he was drafting in reinforcements to give me the bad news and anticipate my response. Turned out he was a lovely chap and the consultation started with "So, why are you here?" Not quite what I was expecting! Turned out the referral letter hadn't made it's way to him, so I explained. We then made small talk while he waited for the 2,000 images (!) of my head to load. Suffice it to say that the consultation concluded with "There's nothing wrong with you". I didn't point out the obvious as I suspect he was referring to my neurological state. Apparently the "spots" on my MRI are a little unusual in someone my age, but then as he said they don't tend to do a brain MRIs on many people my age. They are called UBO (unidentified bright objects) and could be caused by a range of things from migraines to early age related changes (I resisted the urge to punch him at this point as didn't think it would help things). However, all of this was a relief and much better than my Armageddon scenario. The plan is to re-scan in a month of so when I am being re-scanned to see if the treatment is working. It's not something I am looking forward to but at least we can see if anything has changed.

Next on the list was a journey I thought I would never take - to a wig shop! Louboutins felt appropriate to face the day. Many thanks to my lovely friend Claire for being my chauffeur and making a very weird trip a little more bearable. We were both very freaked out when we walked in - the shop has over 2,000 wigs, with pretty much most of them on display on anonymous type polystyrene heads. I did ask for an honest opinion if things didn't suit me - I didn't expect to not have to ask as Claire was doubled over in laughter on a couple of occasions! Let's just say I am not a hat person! Turns out that wigs do not have VAT added (bonus as it was generally more expensive than I anticipated) and also that you still need to wash them once a week! Apparently no need to style and you need to be a bit careful if you open the oven door suddenly! I'll be honest, I didn't want to be there, but it had to be done. I have 2. One which is fairly similar to my old hair and will be helpful with Briony and also if I can't be bothered to explain the whole sorry affair to anyone I haven't seen for a while and then the second one is a bit different to my previous style and more for going out. No photos yet as to be honest I don't really want to have to wear them until I have to.

Next stop on my whirlwind Thursday was tea and cake with the lovely Suzanne from work to talk about all things practical and also have a good old chin wag. I have to admit that I miss the company of the office crew and having something to focus on. Although it has only been less than 2 weeks since I haven't worked, it feels a lot longer. It was good to see her and also get a few practical things sorted.



The final Thursday outing was dinner in the pub with Stephen, Briony and Tony and Steph (Stephen's parents). Kids say the funniest things - I ordered a chili, which turned out to be mind-blowingly spicy, before you factor in the fact that on a good day my mouth feels like it has been rubbed down with sand-paper and then piped full of steaming hot tea. I asked for some yoghurt which was duly delivered. We then had a conversation with Briony about how some people probably liked it that hot and used our next door neighbour Kerry as an example. Briony then said "Kerry is bald, does that mean that when you are bald you will be able to eat it!" - bless her!


Weighed myself on Thursday as well. Good news or bad news depending on how you look at it. I have finally hit the weight that I have always wanted to be, but it did mean that I had dropped 2.5 kg as a result of the first round of chemo. At least I have picked the right time of year to put weight on and Stephen has now turned into a feeder. I now know how geese being primed for foie gras feel!

Friday and the weekend was our break to Center Parcs in the absence of the promised Lapland trip. We had a great time and I didn't really think about the whole cancer thing most of the weekend, so aim achieved. Christmas cupcakes were made (see picture), which were great fun. Briony had an ice-cream the size of her head that I had a little bit of and ended up with ice-cream brain. Made me smile as it reminded me of the conversation about the cold cap and made me realise that it was so the right decision for me. Even better still, the hair loss that is definitely happening happened in someone else's plug-hole, not ours. One sad moment when Briony wanted to put a wish on the Christmas tree and all I could think was that my wish would be to still be here next year. I soon moved on. I will be here to wrap her presents and sort her stocking. How can I not be?

In other news I can report that Prosecco is unaffected by taste buds so still game on for a Christmas tipple. Red wine on the other hand is completely out and tastes like I am running my tongue under the rim of a public toilet seat.

So we are now 10 days before the next session and aside from the dizziness and a little tiredness, life is pretty much as it was before all of this. And for this brief interlude of normalness I am grateful. The biopsy results were are month ago yesterday and I can honestly say that the last month has been a complete rollercoaster ride that I never want to repeat.

Thank you once again for all the presents. My personal favourite is a periodic table puzzle from my brother. This appeals to my OCD nature. There have been many others and I am truly grateful for them all, so thank you. I feel very loved. Yes, Debbie, even the plastic cow as a result of a Facebook conversation about me being a stubborn cow is gratefully received.

xxx