Nightmare before Christmas meets the Wizard of Oz.....

Thanks to Carlie for the suggestion for the title! For those of you wondering it was my nephew's choice of film for yesterday, which Carlie thought was fairly appropriate.....

It's been a busy couple of days, yesterday in particular. It started early as I was nil by mouth from 6am, so an early breakfast. Yoghurt and fruit as you ask. Back to bed for a quick snooze and then the usual morning routine, although slightly easy as Stephen was at home. More bacon sarnies for Briony which obviously went down well.

We dropped her off at school and then over to the Chiltern hospital for the day's entertainment. 1st December and Christmas songs were blaring from the radio. It was even trying to snow a little for good measure.

Arrived at the Chiltern where it was clear we were at a private hospital - the parking spaces were massive, clearly designed for chelsea tractors and you don't get the insult of being charged a hefty price for being ill and having to park. All good so far. We were early so went and sat in the restaurant with the obligatory festive Christmas tree. Am I allowed to say "Baaaa humbug"? It was actually fairly pleasant as the hospital is on a beautiful estate.

9am came and we were ushered into my room for the day. Catherine is my dedicated oncology nurse and she is lovely. Very human about the whole thing. We started with the pre-chemo assessment and chat. Long discussion about the use of the cold cap. This is some torturous looking device that is designed to give you the worst ice-cream headache you've ever had and you keep it  on for 3 hours. No thanks. I've decided against it for a variety of reasons, mainly because it will increase the length of time I'm at the hospital when I get the chemo and also because with the treatment I'm having it doesn't seem to make much difference. The wig conversation came shortly afterwards. Apparently don't bother with the real hair wigs, they cost a fortune and the synthetic ones are pretty good. We did make a joke about not standing too near to naked flames so I'd better be careful with the Christmas Pudding! I'm actually quite looking forward to the wig bit and having some fun! It did end on a serious note about the risk of infection. Cheerfully, it turns out this could kill me because of what the chemo will do to my immune system. It would seem a bit of shame with the cancer also trying it's best! So please don't be offended if I ask you not to come and see me if you or those you live with have the slightest snuffle. It's simply not worth it.

I bought my Guatemalan worry dolls with me (although did get a bit confused and tell the lovely catering man Nick that they were from the Himalayas. Geography never was my strong point). Thanks Heidi.

Sadly the day went downhill from there. Venflon (IV access) put in (on the second attempt I might add - I hate needles!) and it was down to the MRI suite for me. I've never had one done before and now was due to be subjected to 4 in one sitting. Brain and breast, with and without contrast. Not my idea of fun. At all. We started with the brain without contrast. Turns out I do have one and am not the scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz. I can honestly say that this was one of the worst experiences of my life (on a par with being told you have cancer), which was a shame as I knew I was going to have to do it again with contrast in the not too distant future. They kind of put you in a head brace and then a long tunnel with the scanner about 5cm away from the end of your nose. It lasted 15 minutes but felt like an eternity. It's also really noisy with random loud noises. The breast scan was a doodle in comparison. Then an injection of contrast medium (delivered by an electronic gadget which just made me think of the lethal injections in the States!), another breast scan and then the final brain scan. I have to admit I'm worried about the results of the brain scan. I'm kind of fine with it being in my body but my brain is what makes me me.


A short walk back from the MRI room and I was treated to a 5 minute interlude before going down to theatres to have a portacath fitted. This is to allow them to get poison into me and blood out of me without venflons all the time. It was actually a fairly simple procedure and they gave me some lovely class A drugs, so although conscious you could have done anything to me and I would have probably told you that I loved you! My skin is stained a lovely oompa loompa shade of orange from the sterilising fluid. My drug addled brain remembers making a joke about Essex orange and fake tan. I thought it was funny even if no one else did. The Portacath is positioned at the top of my chest (non-diseased side) and is like a pound coin sitting under my skin that the medical team can then stick needles directly into. I say all this from a position of no knowledge. It's under a bandage so I can't see it and can't take it off for 48 hours. There's also a small nick in my collar bone where they have fed the tube into my jugular vein. Its weird because you can kind of feel it.

Back to the room for a snooze whilst the drugs wore off. They must have been good because I woke up with a severe case of the munchies which was duly satisfied by the lovely Nick and a sandwich and multiple cups of tea.

The final insult of the day was a blood test (another needle as the venflon had packed up by this point and portacath needed a little time to settle) and some swabs for MRSA.

Catherine wouldn't let me leave until I had eaten and drunk (easily sorted post munchies) and also been to the toilet. This was more about proving that I was able to balance rather than checking my bodily functions. I did think about playing a trick and banging on something rather loudly but decided that it was probably poor form to do that so early in my treatment journey. Maybe later......

Before we went Catherine did say that in her 21 years of oncology nursing, no one had ever done what I had done all in one day. Now this is more the statistical group I am used to being in and long may it continue! Two fingers up at you cancer.

Saturday was the final test before chemo, an echo (ultrasound of my heart) as 2 of the drugs can cause cardiac issues. Turns out I am also not the tin-man from The Wizard of Oz as I do also have a heart. Quite a healthy one in fact. Baseline measurements were all good. I'd have been pretty disappointed if they hadn't have been on account of all the running!

In other news, George the Elf has returned and we have got a Christmas tree (to be decorated tomorrow morning). Life does go on and it's great having a small person to remind you of that fact.

So we are ready to go on Tuesday..........it feels like a new chapter as although I don't know the results yet, all the diagnostic tests are now done and we can start getting this little bugger.

Enjoy your weekend.........