Well that didn't go quite according to plan.....
Let's start with some good news. I ran 4 miles this evening and felt pretty good! Plus, the support I have had from everyone following my previous post has been amazing. I feel very loved and please don't be offended if I haven't responded personally......I have read each and every one of them and been grateful for them. I think I may have also sorted out the issue with posts disappearing, but obviously may stand to be corrected on this fact!
After that, unfortunately I'm all out of good news. Suffice it to say that the appointment yesterday evening didn't go exactly according to plan. We arrived in an optimistic frame of mind, which was just as well, because it was a bit like Challenge Anneka around the hospital trying to find the right place.
When we were eventually in the right place we were pretty much ushered straight in. It was a different consultant this time (oncologist vs. surgeon). He asked us to tell him what we knew to date. See previous blog for history. Sadly, it turns out the surgeon last week was a little optimistic about the nodules in my lungs. The oncologist and his team have said that they are mets, i.e. evidence of spread. Boom. Straight from a curable stage (2) to stage 4 (not curable). Not even the decency to show a hint of stage 3. It's like a gear change from 2 to 4 and we all know you should change through the gears, not skip them. This changes things. Completely. Don't look at the statistics. I did and wished I hadn't. For good measure it is also HER2 positive.
It has however rolled the wheels into motion super-quickly for what must happen next. My cancer calendar is getting pretty busy actually! Bone scan tomorrow. Friday is a whole heap of fun. It starts with an early breakfast (I am nil by mouth from 6am), then pre-chemo assessment at 9am, followed by 2 x MRIs (breast and brain). Just for good measure I am then having a port fitted so that my new party piece can be injecting IV substances directly into a large vein. I am bookable for a sizable fee. Saturday is an ECCO (heart check) as the drug cocktail has been upped given the new info and may cause cardiac issues. To think a couple of weeks ago my only challenge had been what to wear each day for work!
The next opportunity for some news will be the 12th December as we are seeing the consultant again then for the remaining pieces in the jigsaw (bone scan and MRIs). It's a little irrelevant as the sucker is in my lungs.
I'm not going to lie, the last 24 hours have been completely and utterly shit. Cancer sucks. A good friend of mine sent me the attached picture, having recently suffered her own heartache. It's true. Roll on the better times (or actually anything apart from the awful ones)!
Stephen has been fantastic and I suspect this is even tougher on him than I can ever imagine. Last night was awful and neither of us really slept. It's amazing what an arm around you can do in the middle of the night.
I've made my first editorial boo-boo. Apparently the quote on the previous post was that I had a nice pair of titties, not breasts. Apology duly issued.
Fuck you cancer. I'm bored of you now...........I will fight, but today I am down (if not out). I will not give up. Just a small re-group required x
After that, unfortunately I'm all out of good news. Suffice it to say that the appointment yesterday evening didn't go exactly according to plan. We arrived in an optimistic frame of mind, which was just as well, because it was a bit like Challenge Anneka around the hospital trying to find the right place.
When we were eventually in the right place we were pretty much ushered straight in. It was a different consultant this time (oncologist vs. surgeon). He asked us to tell him what we knew to date. See previous blog for history. Sadly, it turns out the surgeon last week was a little optimistic about the nodules in my lungs. The oncologist and his team have said that they are mets, i.e. evidence of spread. Boom. Straight from a curable stage (2) to stage 4 (not curable). Not even the decency to show a hint of stage 3. It's like a gear change from 2 to 4 and we all know you should change through the gears, not skip them. This changes things. Completely. Don't look at the statistics. I did and wished I hadn't. For good measure it is also HER2 positive.
It has however rolled the wheels into motion super-quickly for what must happen next. My cancer calendar is getting pretty busy actually! Bone scan tomorrow. Friday is a whole heap of fun. It starts with an early breakfast (I am nil by mouth from 6am), then pre-chemo assessment at 9am, followed by 2 x MRIs (breast and brain). Just for good measure I am then having a port fitted so that my new party piece can be injecting IV substances directly into a large vein. I am bookable for a sizable fee. Saturday is an ECCO (heart check) as the drug cocktail has been upped given the new info and may cause cardiac issues. To think a couple of weeks ago my only challenge had been what to wear each day for work!
The next opportunity for some news will be the 12th December as we are seeing the consultant again then for the remaining pieces in the jigsaw (bone scan and MRIs). It's a little irrelevant as the sucker is in my lungs.
I'm not going to lie, the last 24 hours have been completely and utterly shit. Cancer sucks. A good friend of mine sent me the attached picture, having recently suffered her own heartache. It's true. Roll on the better times (or actually anything apart from the awful ones)!
Stephen has been fantastic and I suspect this is even tougher on him than I can ever imagine. Last night was awful and neither of us really slept. It's amazing what an arm around you can do in the middle of the night.
I've made my first editorial boo-boo. Apparently the quote on the previous post was that I had a nice pair of titties, not breasts. Apology duly issued.
Fuck you cancer. I'm bored of you now...........I will fight, but today I am down (if not out). I will not give up. Just a small re-group required x
Bugger! That is all... love you.
ReplyDeleteLet’s kill those nasty little alien cells....
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteOops - this was my first attempt and it published me as 'unknown'. Blogger novice here, sorry.
DeleteNot fair. Although, in my view, you've always been a bit of an over achiever, so it's maybe typical that you skipped a stage here too - the one sodding time you'd rather not! Thinking of you Emma.
ReplyDeleteBrave, brave lady. Just to say there is no such thing as incurable, just, hasn't been cured yet. Google Emily Whitehead who had 'incurable ' Leukaemia 5 years ago. And the HER2 positive thing has positives - they're aggressive buggers but they're wandering around with great big targets on their backs saying 'I'm a cancer come get me' which has some advantages. Sending you bags and bags of love x
ReplyDelete